Sitting on the Subway

Young child...if only you knew how easy your youth is. Just slowly eat your apple slices and continue to search in your dear mothers eyes for guidance. Honestly I wish I took advantage of youth while I had the opportunity. Everything is far more critical during adulthood, and the climb to independence.

However, everytime I see a child with saintly eyes, it does bring a smile to my face. Be happy, you're entitled to it. What makes me even happier is when his or her mother smiles right back at him, nestling him with care, and ultimately providing him with the guidance that we all need, love.

I am faced with a decision of the ages, move back home with mom and dad, or continue with my struggle to give my life meaning. Is it giving up if I go home? Maybe not, but if I do decide to move back I feel like I have given up on myself, and my goal to make something out of nothing...(Having moved to nyc, not more than 100 dollars to my name, and the clothing in my suitcase). It's been tough and I've learned so much.

So what is the next step? Day in and day out I ponder the consequences of each...I can go home anytime...why now? Is it worth it to sacrifice the comfort and ease of living at home to reach it in the future, and if not today why not tomorrow? The lesson I am learning is that no matter how many times I relocate it well be the same struggle, to establish something when It didn't exist to begin with. If I move home then it will just be an easier lifestyle. Most importantly, I am learning how to handle each stressor, each obstacle in my life, and how to plan accordingly. As my chorale director said in high school, "if it was easy, everyone would be doing it". I will set myself apart, head to bigger and better things, and take advantage of the benefits life has to offer.

So here I sit riding the subway to Brooklyn to pick up some of my belongings, watching a mother nurse her child with tender, loving, care. It truly is beautiful and honestly brought a slight tear to my eye. I hope this child forever remembers that his mother gave him life, or at least loved him regardless of biological significance. I hope he knows that she was there, wiping the small chunks of apples away from his hands and mouth, and held his hand when he needed motherly contact, and kissed him when he felt alone or lost. And I also hope the mother will always love her son, even when he strays away, neglects her feelings and her pains, because I did so myself, and I regret it.

<3dvs