Jaded?

So here I am...once again.

My bag getting heavier each day, and my heart colder as each passes. As much as it feels nice to be appreciated how often does it happen?

I once felt bad for this person I knew in Boston who had a pretty terrible life, living life from couch to couch. And now I know what it feels like. You assume your friends will always stay beside you, but in all honesty, I haven't found many friends who would do such a thing, and that may be because i'm looking in all the wrong places. I have found it so easy to call someone I've just met a friend when in all reality, they give themselves the right to search through your feelings, possessions, and your mind, recklessly.

Call it karma if you will, because I myself have done the same thing.

Dating has also been fairly tough. Despite how many beautiful men there are in this dangerously glamorous city, they're minds do them no justice. It's a shame really. I may fall head over heels too quickly but it would be great to say for once, it wasn't a one time thing. I wasn't just replaceable, that I had some bearing in someones life.

I did talk about a scam recently and instead of disposing of the fake money orders I kept them in my possession to remind myself to be careful and keep a weary eye of people looking to use me, or make a fool of me. Too bad, keeping them did more harm then actually trashing them.

So I have some goals.
-Look for an apartment
-Look for a new job
-Stop looking for friends (i'm sure they will come in due time)
-Read an insightful piece of literature
-End procrastination
-Stop looking for love (once again...it will come in due time)
-Call my brother (the one person that I love more than life itself, and the one person that I am doing this all for. Being a positive role model is what I want more than anything...to show him that dreams are worth pursuing and that life is going to be a disgusting drag queen from hell tearing you down from the floor your stand upon, but no matter what, no matter how much pain you'll endure, it's always worth trying to make those dreams into hope, for someone else)


Anyways...on a less sad mood.
I've been listening to some amazing mixes of la roux and madonna, that my friend Reed sent to me. Not sure if they've been officially released so I don't think i can send them out...but mix or no mix, you should definately listen to both artists=D

<3
dvs